The worst experience many people will have to ever endeaur in their life..

Here is my story and I hope to god that yours never has to come to this, now I believe that is more acceptable and comfortable but then again I am not of a younger age anymore well in mind maybe ;)
Worst case scenario yeah read on…….

I would like to share with you my experience of first coming out as a Gay man … This was not a very pleasant experience for me, I hate the term coming out now it should NEVER BE basically from about 5 years of age I understood that I myself liked boys and later in life realised that I loved men, hang on a minute, let me re wind here did I just really say from the gay and non gay community? I am 31 years of age and I wish personally that I should not have to think of myself as an outcast gay or not I’m me sooooo hmmm people that are coming out think about that first, your already loved why feel the need to come out as if your an outcast?
Well I can tell ya a story many moons back now (Ok no I’m not that old lol) but on a serious note when I was 17 even though my sister had come out as a Lesbian to my family which my whole family respected I found it hard to come out myself to my own family my own Mom and Dad.

It really got to me really eat away at me and I have to admit that I was living a lie at 1 stage, I tried everything to convince others that I was not gay, yes and I even did the dreaded thing that I suppose any gay man may do and I slept with a woman or should I say girl!! I have got to say though when I got to the bedroom I did not know what the hell to do! Or how to perform! How embarrassing you may think! Well it was and I was so uncomfortable and just wanted a cuddle but yet the cuddle was not even good enough for me, it did not satisfy me.

I carried on still under my own illusion and through trouble and gripes consistently with people heckling me left right and centre with Gay jibes and jokes it really upset me at times but I stuck with it as I worked here as well, then there was 1 time this boy Alex his name was came on to me while I was working at first I thought yeah just another joke…..

But then it got heavier week after week and eventually I gave in, I won’t go in to the experience but it was good, and this guy took my element, you may as well say that it was love at first sight at such a young age…..

You have to bear in mind here that I have really fallen for this guy and am not out to anybody yet!

Well the story caries on like this… we saw each other 2 or 3 times more but he didn’t want to be let out as gay either as he was part of the pool team for the pub I worked in, I respected that ! (I wasn’t out myself anyway so this was fine by me!)

The week after at the weekend you won’t believe this one or maybe some will!
I Used to run Karaoke at the given pub, he had ignored all my calls no response and even hung up on me numerous occasions but had the ordasity to turn up at the weekend and get off with a woman in front of my face, I’m sure you can feel how I was feeling at the time but yet had to be professional in my duty….
I don’t know how I kept it together, that night I went to his house where he lived with his mam who also did not know he was gay, I brayed on the door something chronic never wanted to hear anything from me til I knocked one more time and he said I don’t Love you, you Need to GO, I couldn’t do anymore than that but break down in tears and lots of anger.

Yeah ok I brayed on door a few more times tried my luck so to speak he opened door pushed me away fell in to garden, obviously by then I know it’s over but still Irate shouting lots of profinates at the moon and the stars that were listening to me at the time cos he obviously was not.
It ended up me fighting with a Red post box and a little broken finger later, to toddle home head everywhere sit down at a lamppost to awaken to some guys just nicked my phone wallet job lot:(

I had to work the next weekend, he walked in he was removed by managements stop playing with my mind and ejected off the pool team; I couldn’t handle It I put myself on the line literally, pulled off a main road.
The week after my mom walked in while I was running karaoke and I was singing a song at time and I had to hold back tears whilst singing that was hard!!!!!!! Please DO NOT LET YOUR MOM FIND OUT LIKE THIS!!!

Greatest Laugh though Don’t ever argue with a man with a MICROPHONE the very same night he walked in with his so called MRS And sorry for this one but outed him whether you like it or not I was hurt enough, and no longer would I be ridiculed, His girlfriend found it quite amusing at the time that he was ginger down below, But just for men colour above ;) x

Categories: Coming Out, Features

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