Most little girls grow up with a fairy tale dream of one day meeting their one and only prince charming and living happily ever after. They don’t grow up hoping to meet a guy who verbally and physically abuses them just for being different.

3 and a half years ago I met a guy who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, dark hair, handsome, stubble, olive skin. We were so happy. He accepted me for me and seemed to be proud. But as time went on it soon quickly changed. Controlling, angry, abusive are the words id use to describe the man I thought loved me. It’s probably low to be writing about him but I guess that’s what you get when you lie to me over and over. Playing constant mind games. When we first got together I was still very shy and almost embarrassed of myself and body. But as our relationship grew I started to get more comfortable with myself. I soon realized though that whatever I did I always had to be on best form. The littlest argument turned into a war zone, even to the point of him driving his car into a lamp post to try and kill me because he was so angry with rage because I got constant attention from people.

Usually when you go on holiday there supposed to be fun happy times. But being pushed aside while your boyfriend flirts with other girls and kicks off at you for getting free shots without him just goes to show how much of a villain he was. Cruel and hurtful is how I remember him. Yet to everyone else he was different, it was almost as if he had two personalities.

When I got approached about my transsexual summer he turned for the worst. Telling me I couldn’t do the show and that he would never be seen in public with me again if I did. Using it against me saying why would I want to go on telly to tell everyone about my life. How no one would support me and that I would be a laughing stock to the nation. Calling me a stupid tranny and a freak. This was the same guy who apparently loved women yet was with a pre op transsexual and he didn’t want me to have a full sex change to become a woman?!.

While we were filming my relationship just got worse and worse. It even got to a point where I had to go on holiday with him during the show in order to try and fix what we had. I think at the time I started to fall out of love but the idea of meeting someone new and having to explain myself again was too scary for me.

The holiday didn’t work. Three weeks of Sun, sea and sand should have created them special happy times. Yet all I got was abuse after abuse. Constantly leaving me in the middle of nowhere. Locking me in our apartment while screaming and shouting at me because I got attention for going out. Dragging me across the apartment and holding me down on the sofa with his arms gripped round my throat. I cried and cried and he still came back to do more damage. Saying how he couldn’t look at me anymore because I changed. I was 19 when I met him and I was 22 back then. Of course I changed. I got confidence and was proud to be me. This man was evil, a psycho. Why the hell was I with him. I guess you do stupid things when you’re in love but looking back I don’t even think I’d call it love. I guess I was lonely and felt this was the best id get. It’s tough having to get acceptance not only from someone you love but also from their family and friends.

When id come back from holiday I went straight to the retreat to finish filming. I was so drained and upset that I just cried throughout the entire day. The producers new the rough ordeal I had to put up with and even offered to fly my back home at one point while I was away. But the thought of making things more worse just made me want to stay there. If he’d found out I was going back home he’d have killed me.

The show had then come out on telly. We were still together but things were not good. We never went out. He never made the effort. All we did was watch telly without there being any conversation or intimacy in our relationship. I got to the point where I gave up trying because I felt embarrassed having to try it on with him.

The attention I got the minute the show went out was out of this world. Nearly 11,000 twitter followers and 5000 facebook friends just put even more strain on us.

I had gone to Leeds one night with Lewis along with my ex-boyfriend and all people wanted were photo’s again the jealousy kicked in and I had to pay the price. Him throwing a tantrum. Smashing his pint glass on the side. Leaving me in the middle of nowhere then threatening to kill me over the phone if I didn’t do as he said just made me realize that there is no room for this guy in my life. His sarcasm, his filth just made me more and more sick to think I’d let someone like him into my life.

Him lying to me telling me he was home when he wasn’t was the last straw. I ended it a couple of weeks ago and never have looked back.

I’m so much happier now and to not have to worry about what he thinks has just made me feel like I’m me again. Back to the bubbly blonde girl who is now full of Botox and lip filler lol and working as a makeup artist for the amazing company illamasqua. I’m back to being Drew-Ashlyn and now it’s time to move on with my life and start a whole new chapter.

Written by Drew-Ashlyn

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